With congratulations, the exact words matter less than the customs around them, and those customs vary. When to send it, who to address, whether money comes up, and whether you praise the person or the result all depend on where the recipient lives and how they were raised.

If you write to people in different countries, this is a message that can come across slightly wrong without anyone saying so. Below is a comparison of the usual norms, followed by wording that's safe when you don't know which norms apply.

Treat these as tendencies. A national generalization describes an average across a large, varied population, and the person you're writing to will tell you more than their passport does. Use the table as a reminder to pay attention, and if someone's actual habits don't match it, go with the person.

Where the conventions differ

  US / Canada UK / Ireland South Asia East Asia
Tone Warm and enthusiastic. Superlatives are normal and don't sound insincere. More restrained. Heavy praise can sound overdone, and understatement comes across as sincere. Expressive and often effusive, frequently mentioning blessings or good fortune. Measured and formal, especially in writing and with people more senior.
Who you congratulate The individual, for what they achieved. The individual, usually without making much of the effort. The individual and the family. Leaving the family out can look like an oversight. Often the person's group, team or family as much as the person.
What gets praised Personal talent and merit: "you earned this." The work more than the person: "well deserved." Effort, perseverance and family support. Hard work and what the group achieved; directly praising someone's natural ability is less common.
Timing Fast. Same day is expected for public news. Fast, though a later note is perfectly normal. Fast, and often repeated in person later. Prompt, and usually after the formal announcement instead of the rumour.
Money and specifics Salary is private, and asking is a mistake. Very private, more so than in the US. Talked about more openly among family and close friends. Generally kept private in writing.

Four common occasions

A new job or promotion

The most common one, and the easiest to get slightly wrong

In the US, congratulate the person on being chosen. In the UK, congratulate the work and leave the selection unmentioned; "well deserved" covers a lot here. In South Asian families, a note that includes the family is usually appreciated. In East Asian workplaces, brief and formal is safer than gushing, especially with someone senior.

Works almost anywhere: "Congratulations on the new role, really pleased to see it. Enjoy the first week."

A wedding or engagement

Where some of the oldest customs are still around

For most of the twentieth century, English-language etiquette said you congratulate the groom and offer "best wishes" to the bride, on the logic that congratulating her implied she had managed to catch someone. The rule has mostly faded and few people under fifty follow it, but some people in formal or traditional settings still notice. "Congratulations to you both" avoids the issue entirely.

Works almost anywhere: "Congratulations to you both. Wishing you a wonderful day and everything after it."

A new baby

Where assumptions cause the most trouble

Customs differ on when to say anything at all. Some families announce early. Others, including many South and East Asian families, share the news later and more privately, and congratulating someone before they've announced it themselves can be a real misstep. The safe default is to respond to the announcement, not to news you heard secondhand.

Works almost anywhere: "Congratulations to you both. Wishing you all a healthy and calm few months."

An academic or professional milestone

Graduations, qualifications, published work

The difference in what gets praised shows up most clearly here. "You're so talented" sounds generous in the US, but it can sound a little empty in the UK and much of East Asia, where recognizing the effort is the bigger compliment. Praising effort works nearly everywhere.

Works almost anywhere: "Congratulations. I know how much work went into this one."

What works everywhere

If you know nothing about the person's background, these hold up across all four columns:

Late congratulations

This is one occasion where being late hardly matters. A message three weeks after the news is still welcome nearly everywhere. The one real mistake is a long apology for the delay, which turns their good news into your small social problem. One clause is enough: "just saw this, and belated congratulations."

Name the achievement, credit the effort, keep it short, and include the family when the news is personal. That's as close as you can get to a congratulations that works everywhere.

Related guides

Writing to someone specific? Paste your draft into BetterWayOfSaying.com for three alternatives in the tone you need.